My Crazy Lot in Life

My job is easy.  I come in at 8:00 in the morning, vacuum dinosaur exhibits for two or more hours, leave around noon most days and have time enough to take a lengthy nap or at least rest before heading off to my other job later in the day.

It really is a sweet gig.

Or at least it was.  At the end of August, my boss informed me that he would be going out of town for a few weeks on vacation and that while he was gone, I was going to have to pick up some extra responsibilities around the museum.

He walked me through the basics for a few days.  It really wasn't all that hard.  Water the plants once a week, make sure the fish have water.  Feed the fish everyday, but its okay if you miss a day here or there because they have algae growing in their little fake habitats that they can eat.  And of course, don't forget to feed the lizard his weekly morsel of "large crickets".

Now, before I continue my ill fated tale, I have a quick side note.

The museums lizard is an African Monitor Lizard.  A quick Google search can tell you that they require the usual commodities most pets require.  A large enough enclosed area to scurry about in, a heat lamp to provide dry humid temperatures, a large water source so they can soak their entire bodies when they feel dehydrated primarily due to the dry humid heat lamp, and a diet of crickets and small rodents (basically anything they can overpower.) (See "Wikipedia".)

The dryness caused by the heat lamp was a problem for our lizard.  While he had a tank of water large enough to soak himself in when he wanted to, he'd grown a tad bit lazy in recent months and as a result my boss had taken to spraying him down with a pressurized weed sprayer full of hot water once a week.

Now on with the narration.

After walking me through the basics, my boss racked his brain to think if there was anything else he needed me to do while he was gone.

He couldn't think of anything and actually made a point of telling me that the lizard wouldn't need to be watered down until my boss returned.

This seemed odd to me, but I failed to question the man and nodded in acknowledgement.

My boss then left me alone . . . so very alone . . . and in an element I was very unfamiliar with.

(Quick Side note #2~ my mom wasn't a huge fan of pets and so we didn't really spend much time around animals growing up.  Now, as a full grown adult, I have a severe phobia of most animals and can't touch them to save my life.  Fish on the other hand, still fascinate me.)

For three weeks I pressed on though.  I went to the pet store every Friday to buy crickets despite how horrifying it was to feel them jumping away, trying to escape their plastic bag of a prison.  And every Friday, I would dump the entire bag of crickets into the tank, terrified that they would escape and I would have to hunt them down and pick them up with my hands of all things.

But I soldiered on because I am an awesome employee.

But never once did I water him down.

Then about five days before my boss was due to come back, our lazy lizard looked like death.  He was shriveled up, had shrunken eyes and just looked horrible.  Having done everything I'd been told to do, and with no other advice to use, I turned to the museum manager for her advice.  She said that he was probably just missing my boss and that I should get in there, spray him down with water and that another employee should pet the depressed little guy so he could feel that human contact.

When we did this, the lizard immediately began looking a million times better.  His stomach puffed out, his tongue flicked out, and he looked around with what one could only imagine was a smile plastered across his scaly face.

For awhile everything seemed fine.  But of course, the universe couldn't cut a girl a break.

Two days later, and only three days before the sweet release that would come with my bosses return, it happened.  Our lizard pushed up the daisies, kicked the can, and passed away.  He was an unknown age.

Now as sad of a tale as this is, it gets worse.  For me anyway.

Naturally as someone who isn't comfortable around plants OR animals, my biggest fear and the one thing that has led to more stress dreams and nightmares than I've had since college would be the festering thought that I could so easily be responsible for one of these living things untimely demises.

And I was literally THREE DAYS away from not having to worry about it any more!

I know it wasn't my fault ('cuz it wasn't).  But what are the odds that it would happen literally three days before my boss was due back and after the lizard had spent months living his lazy lifestyle.

The moral to this story is twofold.

1.  ALWAYS question the man.
2.  It doesn't do good to dwell on negative/ fearful thoughts because if you do they come true.


And that, my fellow interneters, is the end of my tale.  You're welcome.

People

Last week I promised I was trying to be better at not complaining.

I am still holding true to that promise . . . at least in person.  But here on the internet I can be as grouchy as I want and most people just find time to find it somewhat amusing.

With that being said, there is only one thing I have to say today.

You know it's been a day when you start considering the upsides of the plague.