Math Jokes

Math jokes are the best. Don't say their not, because we all know that when two especially nerdy mathmaticians are sharing them, they are hilarious. Here are some for your viewing pleasure:

A mathematician, an engineer and a chemist are at a conference. They are staying in adjoining rooms. One evening they are downstairs in the bar. The mathematician goes to bed first. The chemist goes next, followed a minute or two later by the engineer. The chemist notices that in the corridor outside their rooms a rubbish bin is ablaze. There is a bucket of water nearby. The chemist starts concocting a means of generating carbon dioxide in order to create a makeshift extinguisher but before he can do so the engineer arrives, dumps the water on the fire and puts it out. The next morning the chemist and engineer tell the mathematician about the fire. She admits she saw it. They ask her why she didn't put it out. She replies contemptuously "there was a fire and a bucket of water: a solution obviously existed."

An analyst, a pure mathematician, and a statistician apply for a job. The interviewer asks each of them the question "What is 1/3 multiplied by 3?" The analyst enters it into his calculator and replies that the answer is 0.9999999. The pure mathematician replies that the answer is obviously 1. Then, the statistician asks the interviewer "What do you want it to be?"

A physicist, a biologist and a mathematician are sitting in a street café watching people entering and leaving the house on the other side of the street. First they see two people entering the house. Time passes. After a while they notice three people leaving the house. The physicist says, "The measurement wasn't accurate." The biologist says, "They must have reproduced." The mathematician says, "If one more person enters the house then it will be empty."

Math is a fun thing, but only when it's like this. :)

The Weird Laws of our Nation

If you're wondering what I am doing on my blog after about a month or longer of inactivity, I will tell you, and if you're not, to bad, you're obviously reading this, so you're going to find out anyway.

It was my fans. My adoring fans. They missed my strange sense of humor, my artistic misspelled word choice, and my oh-so-many grammatical errors. So, my adoring fans, this if for you.

I have recently been researching some weird laws from our great country. A few of them are posted below, but you can find lots more at:

http://homepages.nildram.co.uk/~jimella/laws01.htm

1. In Alabama, (as well as in several other states, it's illegal to carry ice cream in your back pocket at any time.

2. In Alaska, it is illegal to look at a moose from a airplane.

3. It is illegal to mispronounce Arkansas while in Arkansas.

4. It is illegal to eat an orange while in your bathtub when in California.

5. A dog catcher must notify the dog he intends to capture, three days before he does so, at least in the state of Colorado.

6. In Conneticut, (this one may just be my favorite:) a pickle is not legally a pickle, unless it bounces.

7. In Florida, if an Elephant is left tied to a parking meter, the meter must be paid just as if it was a vehicle.

8. In Georgia, it is illegal to tie a giraffe to a lamp post.

9. In Hawaii, you will be fined if you don't own a boat.

10. In Illinois, it is illegal to eat in a restraunt if the restraunt is on fire.

11. Indianna has a law that states: "Citizens are not allowed to attend a cinema or theatre nor ride in a public streetcar within at least four hours after eating garlic."

12. Iowa has some of the best laws, but this is one of my favorites for this state: In Fort Madison the fire department is required to practice fire fighting for fifteen minutes before attending a fire.

13. In Kansas, it is illegal to hunt whales.

14. It is illegal to shoot game out of the window of a moving vehicle, with the exception of a whale. (At least in Kentucky, but I do have one question, where do they find these whales?)

15. In Louisianna, it is illegal to rob a bank, (wait for it), and then shot the teller with a water pistol.

16. In Maine, It's against the law to step out of a flying plane.

17. It's illegal to take a lion to the movies in Maryland.

18. Believe it or not, in Massachutes, you "may not take a crap on your neighbor at any time".

19. It is illegal to paint sparrows and sell them as parakeets in Michigan.

20. In Minnesota, it is illegal to drive through a line of children.

21. In Mississippi (Here's a good one:), no one can rig a game/match with the exeception of wrestlers.

22. In Missouri it is legal (yes, legal) to speed.

23. In Montana, it is illegal to use speed-dial in the city phone system.

24. Nebraska: "A parent can be arrested if their child can't hold back a burp during church".

25. It's illegal to buy ice cream after 6 PM in New Jersey.

26. In New Mexico, it is illegal for people to dance around a sombrero.

27. New York: Jumping off any building (including the Empire State Building) is punishable by death.

28. It's illegal to sing off key in North Carolina.

29. It's illegal to collect seaweed in New Hampshire.

30. It's illegal to lie down and fall asleep with your shoes on in North Dakota.

31. It's illegal to get a fish drunk in Ohio.

32. In Oklahoma, fish may not be contained to fish bowls while on a public bus.

33. It's against the law to not let your dishes drip dry in Oregan.

34. It's against the law to sleep on a fridge if it's outside in Pennsylvannia.

35. In Rhode Island, if you marry an idiot or a lunatic, your marriage is legally void.

36. Horses may not be kept in bathtubs in South Carolina.

37. In South Dakota it's illegal to fall asleep in a cheese factory.

38. In Tennesse, it's illegal to catch fish with a lasso.

39. If two trains going in opposite directions on the same track meet each other, one can't move until the other does. (That's from Texas, and they have a lot of laws like this.)

40. In Vermont it's illegal not to take a bath at least once a week.

41. Lollipops are illegal in Washington.

42. It is illegal to snooze on a train in West Virgina.

43. In Utah, it's illegal to sell alchol in the case of an emergency.

44. In Wisconson, unless the customer asks for it, it's illegal to sell butter instead of margarine.

45. It's illegal to take showers on Wednesdays in a part of Wyoming.

46. It's illegal to tickle women in Virgina.

47. Hollow logs can't be sold in Tennesse.

48. It's illegal to hunt camels in Arizona, so don't do it.

49. It is illegal to fly over any body of water, unless one is carrying sufficient supplies of food and drink. (At least in Delaware)

50. Idaho: Riding a merry-go-round, on a sunday is considered a crime.

The Worst Fortune Ever

A terrible fate has befallen me. On Friday, during lunch, our school served egg-rolls, fortune cookies, and fried rice. As always, I did not eat, but my friend, Mary, offered my a fortune cookie. When I opened it, the following horrible fortune awaited:

You constantly struggle for self improvement

~ And it shows.

Although it's not the worst cookie ever recorded, (No, that one said: "Physic's will lead dogs to your body".) it's still a terrible fortune. It's more of a misfortune.

To make matters worse, one of my very good friends, Jessica Nelson, *chorkled when I showed her it. Way to by supportive Jess.

For those of you who don't know what the word "chorkled" means, it's a type of laugh that occurs when you mix chortled and chuckled. So, as you can see, it was even more unsupportive.

*Special thanks to Mary The Sperry for coming up with the most random word of the day: "Chorkled".

The Best Show YOU'LL Ever See

I'm a web surfer. I love the internet. I love watching things on the internet. It's one of my past times. In fact, that's basically all I do when I can. Basically, I'm . . . addicted to the internet.

Well, one day, while I was in the act, I stumbled across a HILARIOUS show. "Dr. Horrible's sing along blog. It is seriously the funniest thing I've seen in awhile. So, my advice is to buy it on iTunes. It takes about 45 minutes for the whole thing, but it's pretty much worth it. :) And below is a picture of the cast. Notice that the guy from the new murder mystery show "Castle" is in it. I believe his name is Nathan Fillon or something like that. He plays "Captain Hammer" The all American arrogant hero.

Here's the great thing though, Joss Whedon, (the director/ writer/ lots of other things) has decided to make a sequel that is currently in the works! I'm so excited! It's going to be absolutely fantastic!

Choose YOUR adventure

Right now in English, my teacher, Mrs. Robertson, has decided to let flow our creative juices.  To do this, she's decided to have us write a "Create Your Own Adventure" book.  It's not going to be very long of course, but I decided to give this blog a little pizazz.  And what better way to do that than to add my story to this blog?  So, this is how it's going to work.  Every now and again I will add a new situation giving it a designated number.  You will read it and then wait for the following number to come up.  Until that number comes up, you are not allowed to make any other new choices.  Once your designated number comes up you will then proceed to read that particular entry and choose. . . (are you ready for this?). . . your own adventure.  :)  I know your just all so excited so. . . this is just the rough draft, but here's the beginning:

It's Halloween night.  You were just dared to go into your neighborhoods haunted house.  You know for a fact that someone. . . or something lives in the house, but you're not sure exactly what.  Although you've had an irrational fear of haunted houses for as long as you can remember, you have no choice enter the terrifying house.  As you near the door, it slowly swings open by itself, emitting a horrible creaking sound as it does so.  You take one last look at your friend, standing in the safety of the street, and then you step inside, allowing the blackness to swallow you up.

(Please turn to the Blog Entry titled "Number One")

Now, you would turn to blog entry titled number one and read from there.  I hope you enjoy your experience and please feel free to critic my word choice or sentence structure.  I really need input on this because it is going to be an actual assignment worth actual points and as Mary very well knows, I can use all the criticism I can get.

Number Twelve

You begin to ride your bikes home when suddenly, a bus comes out of the middle of nowhere.  It strikes you and your friend, killing you instantly.  When you come to your senses, you realize that your a little transparent and attending your own funeral.  Considering yourself a freak, you return to the haunted house, bent on haunting your dying place and scaring away all those that dared enter the house before it was too late.

For reasons you don't understand, your friend somehow managed to pass on to the afterlife, you suppose it has something to do with the strange air you breathed while inside the house when you were alive.

Number Eleven

You ride your bikes home.  You and your friend spend the night at your house, bingeing on all that trick or treating candy and then go to sleep watching "Count Dracula".  You can't help but feel that after all you've been through, the movie's just a little cheesy.  You manage to laugh yourself to sleep while your friend nearly wets the bed.  The next morning, your friend goes home and your horrible experience in the towns haunted house becomes a distant thing of the past.

Number Ten

You and your friend ride your bikes home.  You are all too happy to be out of that creepy house, and your friend is just happy not to have been dared to do something worse.  You get home safely and fall asleep.  The next morning, you grab the morning paper, trying to find the Sunday Comics.  You notice the first page of the paper and freeze.  "Haunted House Lets Loose Horror On Unsuspecting Town"  read the title.  You gulp as you realize that you never locked the door behind you as you left the haunted house last night.

Wait to go genius, you just let loose a horde of monsters on the world.  That's going to look great on a resume.

Number Nine

That all powerful fight or flight instinct kicks in, but you've never been one for violence.  You let yourself fall limp in the monsters arms which is all it needed.  It drags you down to its basement lair and prepares for its evening meal. . . of which, you are the main dish.

I'm sorry, you managed to get yourself killed.  Just wait till your mother hears about this.

Number Eight

The fight or flight instinct kicks in big time and you decide to put a little of that tie kwan doe training into practice.  You elbow the monster's hairy chest and they drop you like a sack of potatoes, you roll under its massive legs and then plant your feet on its backside.  You push with all your might, and topple it to the ground.  You grab a broomstick that you see lying nearby and bring it down on the cretins head.  You hear a ghastly cracking noise and once again everything is still.  You cheek to make sure the thing is still breathing and then you keep going.  You see the moonlight streaming in from a window just ahead and you follow it.  You reach what looks like a kitchen and try the back door.  It won't open.  You notice it's been padlocked and begin looking around  for a key.  You look under the mat and find it there.  You think it's a little weird that someone would hide a key one the inside of a house, but you slip it into the lock and turn it.  A loud click sounds throughout the house and you let out a sigh of relief when nothing seems to have stirred.  You open the door and let yourself out, closing the door behind you.  You race to the front of the house and high five your friend.  

To pick ending #1 turn to the blog entry titled "Number 10"

To pick ending #2 turn to the blog entry titled "Number 11"

To pick ending #3 turn to the blog entry titled "Number 12"