And the Moral of the Story is....

Do you guys like scary stories?  The kind that make those little hairs on the back of your neck stick straight up and make you feel like you are being watched?

Well this isn't one of those stories.

Unless you are antisocial.

So my story beings waaaaaay back when I was just a little girl.  Back then, I was a LOT more shy if you can believe it.  I know.  Crazy right?

Part of it stemmed from what I call my inbred "survival instinct".  You can't kill what you can't see right?

Of course, this was honed in further years as my mom had us so well trained as children, whenever someone would knock on our front door, my younger brother and I would drop what we were doing and with a finger on our lips slowly sink to the ground whispering, "shhhhhhhhhhhhh."  All the way down.

As time went on, it was further internalized as my mom would always have us go up to employees in stores when she had questions (a feat which to this day makes me uneasy by the way.  After all- if my mom didn't want to do it as a growd up- why on earth would I want to!)

And of course we almost ALWAYS screened phone calls.

For nearly 22 years I lived like that.  But having gotten home from the mission I have learned something absolutely crazy...

Phones CAN'T kill you!

Crazy right?


I was looking around myself just the other day realizing that the mission really did change me.  Before I left I really did have CRIPPLING social anxiety.  I lived in a very very isolated bubble of "safety" things that were familiar and not much else.  Now I can leave the house and make phone calls and be a grown up!

Its fantastic.


I guess the moral of this story is that while children "should be neither seen nor heard" adults should be seen and heard!  Although that leads to its own scary stories:

Have a  great week everyone!

Welcome Back Me!

Well, after having disappeared for about 18 months while I was serving a mission over in Honduras, it is great to be back!  Have you missed me?

Its been interesting being home.  To an extent it feels like I never left, but at the same time, it feels like everything has changed.  My little brothers are an awful lot taller, the people an AWFUL lot whiter (more on that later), and all in all, my ears still haven't adjusted to all the english.  English is weird.

Still, its been fun being back too.  Being able to hang out with the family, or play video games or watch movies.  You know . . . doing all that stuff that you never were able to do before.

There is still work - right now I'm hunting for a job which is not as easy as I thought it would be.  You would think that a bilingual cutie-pie like me would have no problems finding work.  But its not that easy when you are applying online and emotionless computers are weeding out the weak.  In all honesty, I feel a little bit like I'm on a safari looking for that elusive wild animal.

For now the job hunt is sort of my own version of hunting Moby Dick, but it will all work out in the end.

So until next time, I guess this is me signing off.  Have a great week!

Love,
Madi

A Post on Nothing and Yet on Everything

In a (if I'm being modest) rare fit of eloquent brilliance, I find myself drawn once again to my blog.  My ode to the world if you will.  It's quite the work of art really.  [Insert applause here.]

Thank you, thank you.



But seriously readers.  As you may have guessed I've once again been stricken down in my prime and in my youth.  (Which is to say that I'm sick again.  Blasted cold.)

It's the third time in two months I've become ill.  And of course, seeing as how the best way to defeat a cold is to remain, in all boredom, entirely bedridden, I've had plenty of time to practice my flair for the dramatic.

You're welcome dear readers that I am so considerate as to share my overabundance of talent with you.

No doubt it has cast the shadows of despair and grief from your minds and thrust upon you an overwhelming sense of absolute joviality.  At least for a moment.

Now I must bid thee adieu good people.  I am off to a land like no other with many a silver stream and bubbling brook.  (Which is to say I'm now exhausted and will be going to sleep like a good like sick girl.)  Goodnight.


Fin.

Happy New Year 2014!

Whew!  This past week has been a chaos storm!  Between the holidays, trying to get moved in to our new house and trying to get everything all set up and ready to go for school, I feel like I haven't had any time to really think about the most important thing that happens every new year; New Years Resolutions!

Don't roll your eyes at me.  I'm being 100% serious.

I never used to be into the whole "New Years Goals" thing.  I'm just a rebel like that.  Or more correctly; I was just too perfect as was to need it.  But as I've gotten older, and as more and more of my flaws have begun to be apparent to both myself and others around as I've lost my cuteness factor, I've come to realize how important goals are.

And so for the past couple of years I've always printed out a list at the beginning of the year full of goals that I hope to achieve throughout the year.  I hang it on my bulletin board above my desk, somewhere I sit everyday so I'm reminded of what I want to accomplish everyday of the year.

Most of these goals are not met.  Some because they just weren't rational goals to begin with.  Some because things don't always work out even when you have an elaborate step by step plan.  And some because I just didn't keep up with them.  But the ones that I do keep up with . . . the ones that I do manage to meet and accomplish- those make me feel so good I don't care about the rest.

This past year I had quite the list of goals.  It was altered more times than I can count and many more had been added to it by the end of the year.  But this has been one of my best years growth wise.  Experiences and conversations that I have had this past year have really made me change the way I view the world and my life.  Goals that have been so important to me for the past few years have lost meaning and new ones that I didn't realize I wanted to achieve have taken front stage.

Looking back on 2013, things did not go the way that I expected them too.  I did not get married.  I did not get completely out of debt, and most importantly of all, my family did not end up staying in a home we all pictured our parents living in forever.  But looking forward I don't see why all those things can't still happen.  Well except the house thing.  Clearly we won't be returning to Happy Valley Utah.  But then again . . . it was always just a little TOO happy for my sophisticatedly sarcastic taste.

Life is not the smooth picturesque little journey my step by step plans make it out to be.  It's filled with unexpected potholes and ugly little surprises.  But at the same time sometimes you discover little magic surprises like, for example, the fact that you can control the weather and grant everyone a beautiful white Christmas for the first time in years.  And then you can't help but smile and know that things will be okay.

2012 was a horrible year the world over.  2013 was better, but 2014 has so many more possibilities open to it.  I'm excited to see what it has in store.  By this time next year who knows where I'll be?

Just A Little Update

It snowed. You're welcome. 

Christmas Blues and Whites

Somewhere over the rainbow, many people live in what are called "Tropical Climates".  These are the poor souls who have quite possibly never seen the magic known as "Snow" and live very sad lives.

But here in Utah, one of the most desired things that anyone wants for Christmas is snow.  We want it to fall from the heavens in beautiful frozen fractals so that we can have beautiful white Christmas.

Sadly, in the past, we have been severely disappointed.  But this year, I'm truly hoping makes up for it.

Now I know what you're thinking.

"Madison, if you want snow so much why don't you just conjure it up?  You claim to be both Storm and magic so why don't you do something about it if you want it so badly?"

*Sigh* readers.  You have no idea how much I wish I could.

For me Christmas is the most wonderful time of the year.  I love seeing the lights, and smelling the pine trees.  I love eating the food (because of course this time of year you have every excuse NOT to follow through on diets).  And of course I love the presents (getting and giving).  But Christmas for me just isn't complete without the flurries of whiteness that make our world so magical.

So far this year I've been very . . . VERY disappointed.

Every morning I glance out my window like an excited child on the first day of school, desperately hoping to see storm clouds or whole feet of snow outside.  Every morning I'm disappointed as nothing can be seen and more snow melts away in our winter sun.

Listening to Christmas music just isn't the same when there aren't snow storms to go along with some of the many lyrics.

"I'm dreaming of a white Christmas?"  Me too buddy.  Me too.  Will I get one?  I'd better.  (Insert legendary Madison Death Glare here.)

"Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow."  Why not?!  The East is buried in Snow but what do I have to show for it?

"I'm walking in a winter wonderland."  I'm not.

"Frosty the Snowman."  I can barely even make a snow baby let alone a full fledged magical meltable man.

*Sigh*

Christmas is a time of good cheer and happiness.  And I know many of the folks I'm surrounded by are grateful they don't have to be driving in winter wonderlands.  But at the same time, without the flurries that make winter so grand here in Utah, there is definitely something . . . missing.

And how noticeable that missing ingredient is.

With 8 days left till Christmas day my flurries don't have long to get their acts together before yet another snowless Christmas has come and gone.  But fear not my loyal subjects!  I do intend to exercise my magical powers to their fullest extent and make this Christmas quite the memorable one.

Happy Holidays and *heres to hoping for a full on snow storm Christmas day.




*This in no way means that I'm routing for bad road conditions for those of you traveling on Christmas day.  Drive safe!

Christmas Tizzys

With Halloween having ended less than a week ago and with Thanksgiving coming up in less than three weeks, my life has been quickly taken over by something ENTIRELY UNEXPECTED.

My mother has besieged me with thoughts of Christmas.

I know.  The horror.

I know that wherever you are right now you are mocking me.  For those of you who know my mom, you can scarce believe your eyes.  My mom has never really been one for holidays or decorating.  As a child the Christmas traditions involved setting the tree up long after all my friends had set theirs up only to take it down the day after the beloved holiday had ended.  And the only reason it remained up that long was because as our family grew my mom was outnumbered in the decision to clean up after the holiday so close to the holiday.  But even now at my advanced age I still remember the glint in my moms eyes as we convinced her to leave the tree up till the 26th.  It was the glint of someone agreeing to something completely and utterly against their will.

But memories aside.  What do I mean by "my mother has besieged me with thoughts of Christmas"?  Isn't Christmas a joyous holiday?  Isn't it one of your favorites?

All true readers.  All true.

And yet this year I have had so much Christmas HOMEWORK.  That's right.  My mom has been assigning me Christmas homework left and right.  Make your wish list.  (Last time I handed her a wish list this close to Halloween I was mocked mercilessly for five whole minutes . . . and another five minutes later when my dad got home from work.)  Use your creative genius to figure out what ornaments we are going to make as a family this year.  (Not so weird.  I AM a genius.  I believe the last post certified that point.)  Find decorations for us to buy.  (This one is truly the most blasphemous.)

None of these tasks has plagued me so much as her need for my wish list.

There are so few things I want now that I am an adult.  A new car would be fantastic but that's hardly a reasonable item to put on a list.

A "get out of jail free" card for any or all of the big decisons looming over my future would be even better.  But that's most definately not going to happen.

I have thought.  And thought.  And thought about this.  And after hours and hours of pondering this rather difficult task, this is what I managed to come up with.

The overall presentation with the varying fonts and beautiful colors made for quite the aesthetic appeal.  And yet this was the result of my hours of serious consideration.

Indeed, this lack-luster-list was so . . . well . . . lack-luster that I felt I had to make it even more aesthetically amazing.

Plus- my mom had wanted me to do this for the past few days.  Having finally gotten around to it I felt it only deserved to be presented to her with all the love and snarkiness that are overabundant within me.  So of course I made a cover page for it.

Using my epic computer skills and quite a few pieces of clipart- I created what will forever be known at least in this household as the most beautiful and well thought out wish list in the history of wish lists.

I would like to see my brothers try to top that!

Even if the list was shorter than my brother's buzz cut.

Anyway folks.  That's all I have for you right now.  Have a Happy Thanksgiving in a few weeks and Happier Holidays after that.

Bye!

This has been a Public Service Announcement.  Hopefully YOU will have an easier time of writing a wish list than me.

A Genius is Born

I must say that as Halloween approaches this year, I find that I have gained a new love for the holiday that I haven't experienced in quite some time.  That's not to say that I've never loved it.  As a kid all that free candy and a chance to rove about our less than safe neighborhood for once was almost more excitement than my little heart could handle.  But then came the teenage years and with them, an almost complete lack of apathy for anything "fun".

But this year, after having finally turned 20 and saying adios to any semblance of "teenagerism" that I may have still been clinging onto, I have once again become a mostly fun person to be with.

At least in matters of creativity and Halloween.

As a result my mom recently approached me with a need for me to help her with my youngest brothers, aged 11 and 9 respectively, find "cool" costumes this year instead of having them go as soldiers as they have gone for the past hundred years or so.

While resistant to the idea at first, I quickly embraced it as a chance to show of my skills of ten thousand men in the realm of creation and create something truly extraordinary.

Partly my change of heart came from a desire to have someone dress up with me.

You see, as a teenager I frequently pulled the "too cool for school" card around Halloween.  The last time I remember actually dressing up was when I was 12 and dressed up for school in seventh grade.  I dressed as a witch and all I remember about that day was feeling overwhelmingly uncomfortable and after an encounter with a boy who possessed absolutely NO social graces and who told me that I needed to be burned at the stake, I vowed never to do it again.  The following years contained a lot of costumes such as "myself", an "undercover secret agent" and my all time favorite, "a starving college student".

But this year things have changed.  I now teach seven different four year olds who I swore I'd dress up for.  The most amazing thing (and the easiest too.  Baby steps.) I could come up with was Hermione Granger from the well beloved Harry Potter series.  I already had the white button up shirt, and a few other accessories including the naturally poofy/ curly hair.  All I needed was a wand and of course a time turner and I was set.

But I wanted someone to dress up Harry Potter theme with me.

And that, my good people leads us back to the beginning of this story.

My 11 year old brother has been a big fan of Harry Potter since he started reading them late last year.  It seemed like a perfect fit.  For a while we toyed with the idea of him being Harry Potter himself, but that was too run of the mill for me.  And he didn't want to spray paint his hair.

For awhile we were stuck.

And then the gears in my head began turning and a genius was born.

Instead of Harry Potter he could go as the beloved and zany character Mad Eye Moody.

It was brilliant!

And after consulting him and finding him game, I started the search for the most amazing costume in the history of costumes from me and I now present you with the final product.

I know.  Pure Creative Genius.

And of course, just so you know how amazing I am, here is the real Mad Eye Moody to compare it too.

You have my permission to bask in my genius.

My Crazy Lot in Life

My job is easy.  I come in at 8:00 in the morning, vacuum dinosaur exhibits for two or more hours, leave around noon most days and have time enough to take a lengthy nap or at least rest before heading off to my other job later in the day.

It really is a sweet gig.

Or at least it was.  At the end of August, my boss informed me that he would be going out of town for a few weeks on vacation and that while he was gone, I was going to have to pick up some extra responsibilities around the museum.

He walked me through the basics for a few days.  It really wasn't all that hard.  Water the plants once a week, make sure the fish have water.  Feed the fish everyday, but its okay if you miss a day here or there because they have algae growing in their little fake habitats that they can eat.  And of course, don't forget to feed the lizard his weekly morsel of "large crickets".

Now, before I continue my ill fated tale, I have a quick side note.

The museums lizard is an African Monitor Lizard.  A quick Google search can tell you that they require the usual commodities most pets require.  A large enough enclosed area to scurry about in, a heat lamp to provide dry humid temperatures, a large water source so they can soak their entire bodies when they feel dehydrated primarily due to the dry humid heat lamp, and a diet of crickets and small rodents (basically anything they can overpower.) (See "Wikipedia".)

The dryness caused by the heat lamp was a problem for our lizard.  While he had a tank of water large enough to soak himself in when he wanted to, he'd grown a tad bit lazy in recent months and as a result my boss had taken to spraying him down with a pressurized weed sprayer full of hot water once a week.

Now on with the narration.

After walking me through the basics, my boss racked his brain to think if there was anything else he needed me to do while he was gone.

He couldn't think of anything and actually made a point of telling me that the lizard wouldn't need to be watered down until my boss returned.

This seemed odd to me, but I failed to question the man and nodded in acknowledgement.

My boss then left me alone . . . so very alone . . . and in an element I was very unfamiliar with.

(Quick Side note #2~ my mom wasn't a huge fan of pets and so we didn't really spend much time around animals growing up.  Now, as a full grown adult, I have a severe phobia of most animals and can't touch them to save my life.  Fish on the other hand, still fascinate me.)

For three weeks I pressed on though.  I went to the pet store every Friday to buy crickets despite how horrifying it was to feel them jumping away, trying to escape their plastic bag of a prison.  And every Friday, I would dump the entire bag of crickets into the tank, terrified that they would escape and I would have to hunt them down and pick them up with my hands of all things.

But I soldiered on because I am an awesome employee.

But never once did I water him down.

Then about five days before my boss was due to come back, our lazy lizard looked like death.  He was shriveled up, had shrunken eyes and just looked horrible.  Having done everything I'd been told to do, and with no other advice to use, I turned to the museum manager for her advice.  She said that he was probably just missing my boss and that I should get in there, spray him down with water and that another employee should pet the depressed little guy so he could feel that human contact.

When we did this, the lizard immediately began looking a million times better.  His stomach puffed out, his tongue flicked out, and he looked around with what one could only imagine was a smile plastered across his scaly face.

For awhile everything seemed fine.  But of course, the universe couldn't cut a girl a break.

Two days later, and only three days before the sweet release that would come with my bosses return, it happened.  Our lizard pushed up the daisies, kicked the can, and passed away.  He was an unknown age.

Now as sad of a tale as this is, it gets worse.  For me anyway.

Naturally as someone who isn't comfortable around plants OR animals, my biggest fear and the one thing that has led to more stress dreams and nightmares than I've had since college would be the festering thought that I could so easily be responsible for one of these living things untimely demises.

And I was literally THREE DAYS away from not having to worry about it any more!

I know it wasn't my fault ('cuz it wasn't).  But what are the odds that it would happen literally three days before my boss was due back and after the lizard had spent months living his lazy lifestyle.

The moral to this story is twofold.

1.  ALWAYS question the man.
2.  It doesn't do good to dwell on negative/ fearful thoughts because if you do they come true.


And that, my fellow interneters, is the end of my tale.  You're welcome.

People

Last week I promised I was trying to be better at not complaining.

I am still holding true to that promise . . . at least in person.  But here on the internet I can be as grouchy as I want and most people just find time to find it somewhat amusing.

With that being said, there is only one thing I have to say today.

You know it's been a day when you start considering the upsides of the plague.