Hi World. Today's post is going to be a little different then usual. And here's why.
Usually, when I post things on my blog they are things that have happened to me. Generally these things are hilarious or I have the ability to portray them as funny, but today is a little different.
There are some people out there that seem to have a misrepresentation of me and my personality. Granted, I am not the most open person and as a result some people get easily offended by actions that were never meant to come off the way they evidentially do. Due to things that have happened in my past, I'm even more closed off to family members than I am to friends and strangers. As a result, my actions seem to have a particularly harmful appearance. So today, instead of posting something funny, I'm posting something serious and something that evidentially needs to be addressed.
My relationship with my family, particularly my extended family has been a rocky one for quite some time. I don't share feelings or emotions (I laughingly condemn emotions. I do think they are stupid) as well as most people can and as a result there seems to be a misconception that they can't talk to me without hurting my feelings. This isn't true, I just can't seem to communicate with my family. There is a wall that was built there years ago to protect myself and while I would like to think that wall has crumbled a little over time, it apparently has not lost its strength. So to any of my family members who feel like I don't care, I do, you just need to accept my way of showing emotions and accept the fact that telling me that I need to change my personality is not a good way to repair whatever damage has been done.
I am an introvert. I am more comfortable with myself than with others. It's the way that I've been for quite some time and it's a little too late to change that. I can force myself to be an extrovert, especially when I make the decision to, but you all need to accept the fact that I am what I am and it's probably not going to change just because you want it to.
Today was a hard day. I was told by two people that I need to change the way I act. As a result of that, the lack of sleep I've been getting and years of emotional baggage, everything just came spilling out and I spent a good part of the day crying my eyes out. (It was not pretty and my eyes literally do feel like I have cried them right out). After the tears had more or less subsided, I went online and tried to drown my sorrows in the internet. I was on youtube and I found this video that fits just so perfectly with the way I am feeling. As you watch this video please try to apply it to me. I am not one to share my emotions. I don't care for PDA. But I am a happy person at heart and if you can't see that it's too bad for you. I have off days like everyone else but I have been trying for the past few months to see the good in everything and to be told that I can't . . . that I appear not to have any love or joy or happiness in my life at all was particularly damaging.
At any rate, I apologize to those who have felt like I have wronged them in some way. And I'm almost sorry for this rant, but it appears as though it needed to be said.
Thanks for bearing with me, and here is the video. I hope this helps explain my personality because this is how I am almost to the T.
And yes. There was humor in that . . . we can't have a post that's ALL emotions after all. I have a reputation to uphold . . . I really just don't like emotions.
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